All My Children Discussion Group -- Got An Appointment With A Shrink Tonight!

All My Children Discussion Group

Topic: Got An Appointment With A Shrink Tonight!

Topic Posted by: Isis
Date Posted: Tue Jan 17 2:17:54 2012
Additional Comments: You guys are the only ones I can tell this to! I sought someone out. Someone that takes my insurance. Someone that isn't a substance abuse counselor. My problem doesnot lie within abuse of drugs. It's more of a an ..."I'm totally overwhelmed with life and I want to divorce my husband" kind of problem....however, I have a 3 year old. so I'm not gonna do that.

Bankruptcy, always dealing with all bills on my back, taking care of the kids plus working 4 or 5 nights a week after watching child.! All household duties are mine! Scrubbing, washing, vacuuming, dishes, laundry. Since my hubby hurt his back, even more. Put UP Xmas decorations, TAKE DOWN Xmas decorations, TAKE OUT TRASH, Take CARE OF YARD!! I cant handle it all,, ALL BY MYSELF! I'm overwhelmed!!! Finances are ALL MINE, now tax season is coming up! I like to think that I'm an intelligent person, but SHEESH!! How much can one woman take! I still WORK 4 or 5 days days a week!! I called a shrink. I need help! How can I be a fit mother to one in college AND a three year old when I am OVERWHELMED?

Not even sure I should be posting this, just need some support from somewhere!

Sorry. i'll be fine!!Just needed to vent! Thank you!!!

Posted by: goldie
Date posted: Wed Jan 18 15:13:45 2012
Message:
We have all been overwhelmed before, I know I have, so we understand. When I started having problems in my first marriage, I went crying to my Papa and he told me something that has stayed in my mind all these years. He said ''If you lay down and act like a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you'' so stand up and be a woman and face your problems, tell him you will not take his demands anymore. I did that and we were married for 16 years, had a few problems of course but I always stood my ground and he told me after we were divorced that he admired that in me. You have to stand up to him Isis and let him know that you will no longer be his doormat.

Posted by: Island Girl
Date posted: Wed Jan 18 12:18:50 2012
Message:

My dad used to say, "The strongest person is the one who asks for help." It's natural to beat yourself up and perceive yourself as being "weak," but you are not weak.

The right therapist can be your lifeline and have a calming effect (just knowing there is an objective, professional, non-judgemental person in your corner is huge). Give your therapist a chance...remember he/she has to get to know you also and be comfortable listening. Most therapists, after a few sessions, will ask you how you feel the sessions are going and if you feel that a connection is being made.

Don't worry about organizing your thoughts - just let it flow. Whatever is bothering you will float to the surface. Trust the process. My therapist says that "the work really happens between sessions." Talking about all your issues may feel overwhelming, but the uncomfortableness does not last.

I am incredibly proud of you! By the way...I don't know if you are a church person, but you may want to talk to your pastor/minister. Some churches have great lay counselor programs and maybe they can recommend someone to help you with the day-to-day stuff (bills, housekeeping, yard).

Posted by: Isis
Date posted: Wed Jan 18 0:13:57 2012
Message:
Ok, you guys wanna know what he told me? ...He told me I have to stop being mamma/daddy/caregiver to my hubby. He said, Marianne, you have needs too and you can't be this "object" to your spouse. He suggested that I go to a book store and pick out at least 2 self help sorta books that I'm interested in and he wants to see what they are next week. I told him I'm having much difficulty focusing on reading right now, he said, GO GET AN AUDIO BOOK!

I get that he is trying to understand where I'm at, but This sound like normal to anyone???

Replies: (list all replies)

I never had a therapist tell me to get a self help book before, that's strange. Usually they write the self help books. Sometimes it takes a few therapists to get to the one that is most helpful to you. Do you feel he was helpful to you? That's the most important part.

He sounds on target about you not being mama/daddy/caregiver to hubby. If he has any actual needs of course, give him a hand. But you have needs too, and they're not being met. The book thing sounds a little odd to me too, but then maybe he's looking for a way to extend his counseling the other six days of the week? Give it a bit of time, Isis. We're pulling for you. /SheilaT

It may take time for you to get used to your therapist and he to you. Right now you're sort of just testing the waters. If I were you, I'd follow his suggestions, however weird they seem, and see how it goes. And then, if you don't feel he's helping you, try another therapist. I used to date a guy with a background in psychology and I remember him once telling me that it's important to match up the right therapist to the right person. Not all therapists are the same, obviously, and you need to find the right fit. If this one doesn't work for you, another one might. Understatement

I don't think the book thing is odd. I was seeing a therapist about mother issues not so long ago and she suggested a few books for me. (I have to admit, I got them, but never read them.) But therapy is all about changing behavior patterns, and it has to go beyond talking to a therapist once or twice a week - it's a full time job that you have to work hard at. If you can find some answers or suggestions in book, what can that hurt? It's worth a shot anyway. And I like what he said about not being an object - marriage is a partnership and each partner should contribute equally. Good luck! //Wendi

Isis, this does not sound weird to me at all. I was in therapy for 4 years and was recommended books as well and I know others too who had books recommended by their therapists... I think its natural to resist the advice he's giving you, but try and go with it... remember you are asking for help and he has offered something. I personally would give the guy 3-4 visits and by then you should know if you're a good match.. One book I will recommend to you is Codependents No More. You may find it helpful. - kris

Posted by: Patem111
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 22:14:56 2012
Message:
Isis, I feel for you. I know what you are going through because I'm right there with you. I have my first appointment with a therapist on the 19th. I'm so stressed out from work that I've been living on xanex and I know that's not good. The weekends come and I'm so mentally wiped out from the work week and so depressed that I usually end up doing nothing. Hence my house looks like hell and I don't much care. I hope things get better for you dear Isis. We'll try and hang in there together.

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OMG, Pat, you just hit the nail right on the head! I apologize to everyone else for not having the time to respond individually, but this one...THIS ONE IS RIGHT WHERE I'M AT! I just don't give a flying leap anymore! !! I once took such pride in my home, my artwork, my photography, my individuality....NO MORE! I Just don't reallt much care!! I am right there Patem!!! Please hang on with me! I promise to never stop updating you on my prgress (or lack of) !! In any case, we're in this together!!!! ///Isis

Posted by: Holly
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 18:06:30 2012
Message:
Dear Isis, I wish that I lived near you because I would be glad to come over and help you out with your housework, not that I'm good at it but I would do it for a friend.

I've had counseling before and it can be very helpful but make sure that you find a good person who has been recommended to you. I went through a difficult period when I was having a lot of anxiety -- I was having these awful panic attacks - and I went to different counselors for help. Some of them were awful. It's very important to find the right person to help you. Don't get discouraged and don't give up. The right counselor can help you to get through it.

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Yes, Holly, I am understanding wat youre sayong. It was just my first try. maybe this guys isn't the right fir for me. Who knows? How many times should i give someone before I know if they are right for me?? ///Isis

Posted by: Cinnamon Girl
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 15:43:28 2012
Message:

I really symphathize with you, you really are under a lot of stress. I hope the counsler has some good suggestions for you in helping you cope. And you can always come here to vent. I'll pray for you and give you a cyber

((((((HUG))))))

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CG, YOu as well as all these other friends of mine here, are TOTALLY AWESOME!!! thank you so much for your kind thoughts!!

Posted by: MamaMia
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 15:16:36 2012
Message:
I admire you for making such a smart move to get it all out. I hope whoever you see is the right and helpful one for you. Life is extremely overwhelming at certain times. I totally know what you're talking about.

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Thanks, MM, you HAVE no IDEA!!!! ///Isis

The things we go through for another person...........What is your husband saying to you about you taking this step (to see a therapist)? MM

Posted by: valleygirl
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 15:05:42 2012
Message:
Aw ((( Isis ))) I'm sorry life has become so difficult for you. You are definitely doing the right thing in seeking out help, and I am very proud of you for having the strength and courage to ask for it. Let us know how things are going. You know that we are here for you.

Posted by: Isis
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 14:14:57 2012
Message:
Wow! thanks so much to all of you!! For some reason, I guess it seems sort of embarrassing to admit you need help. Not really sure why. But you guys are just the best! Never any judgement from anyone here!! I adore you all!!

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The reason it feels embarrassing admitting you need help because it's like admitting you're weak. I know that's not true but that is how it feels. I think it is very brave of you to do this.

All a therapist does is give you a bit of guidance to help you find your own solutions. No shame in that, you're the one doing all the work. ~i&b

Thanks, I&B, I never looked at it that way! ////Isis

Isis, is your first time with a shrink? Speaking as someone who has had her share of shrinks it is going to feel real awkward at first. It will take a while to get totally comfortable telling him/her everything. Maybe it won't be the right shrink but then you just look around till you find the right one. It also helps if maybe you know somebody who knows a good therapist. Good luck.-Miss.B

Posted by: Miss.Bear
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 12:31:18 2012
Message:
I totally get it and I admire you for getting a therapist. I need to see one again so bad but it's hard because then my parents will know something is wrong with me. Good luck to you.

Posted by: ~gg
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 11:39:34 2012
Message:

(((Isis))), I can understand your feelings of being overwhelmed. You definitely did the right thing by seeking help.

Hugs to you (((Isis)))

Posted by: t-rex
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 11:36:21 2012
Message:
Isis, I'm so proud of you for being proactive and seeking out the help you need. It's a sign of strength, to admit you need help with your problems. No one should have to deal with these things alone. Give it time - therapy can be a rough go at first but with honesty and determination you will find the answers you need and the strength to do what you need to do. Remember - you DESERVE to be happy!

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aka Wendi (oops)

Posted by: Sierra
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 11:20:29 2012
Message:
Isis I am so sorry you are going through this and I think what you are doing is a step in the right direction. I will keep you in my prayers.

Posted by: Anita Lyfe
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 11:04:15 2012
Message:

I am sorry for what you are going through, Isis. You don't have to go through it alone. You did the right thing by seeking someone out to talk to about things. Be open to it and the right things will come to you.

((hugs))

Posted by: W.E.
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 10:12:18 2012
Message:

Dear dear DEAR {{{Isis}}} I feel for you. Such a lovely person and friend. I am so sorry you are going through this but you show how strong you are by knowing/getting the help.

We're always here whenever you need us. Just shout out. love you woman!!!!

Posted by: Angela
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 9:58:54 2012
Message:

Isis..I am so sorry you are going through all this but the right thing is to reach out to someone. It is overwhelming what can happen in our lives and talking to someone is the best thing. I mentioned to you about what was going on with me and talking to someone really helped me. I am still having some issues but I know when I started to talk to someone it really helped me and I am sure it will help you as well. I will thinking of you and praying for you and your family..I know things will get better but know that we all here love you and please keep us posted...

((((HUGS))))

Posted by: ingyandbert
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 9:00:59 2012
Message:

You are doing exactly the right thing, so good for you! And don't worry about what to say, it's the therapist's job to handle that and elicit the right information from you. They know what questions to ask and what issues to watch for. Just one word of warning: in the beginning as you vent your frustrations, a lot of feelings get stirred up. You might find yourself feeling worse rather than better. That is when a lot of people quit therapy because they think it's not helping; it is. That phase is temporary and will change. Two steps forward, one step back is completely normal, so don't let that deter you. In the end, you will be much better off.

Good luck, Isis! You're a brave woman.

Posted by: SheilaT
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 8:34:39 2012
Message:
You've taken the first step, Isis. The next one will come tonight and you'll do fine. One step at a time. We're here with you!

Posted by: krisa225
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 8:20:13 2012
Message:
Good luck Isis... I'm glad you have asked for help from a professional... there is nothing wrong w/ that and I do believe if you want the help (and it definitely seems like you are ready for it), it will work... just be prepared to work at it... tell them everything starting w/ the feeling of being overwhelmed... listen to what the therapist has to say or question you... and be honest w/ yourself, its the only way it will work... I'm sure you'll cry a lot... but that's all part of the growing, learning, healing... I'm so glad your insurance will cover it, cause that can add to the stress if its not. Look at this like an investment in yourself... all the best.

Posted by: understatement
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 7:19:59 2012
Message:

Wow...I can see why you feel overwhelmed. You have A LOT to deal with, more than any one person should be expected to handle. And it's even sadder to reflect how many of us are in the same mess, all thanks to the bad economy. You're stressed, overworked and STILL desperately in need of more money. (I've been there too, believe me!) You have all the problems of a single mom, yet you're married and not happily I would gather, so you have all the problems that go with a troubled marriage too. A double load.

A good shrink should be able to help. Hopefully he (or she) can show you how to eliminate some of the stress and find a working plan that'll simplify your life. You may have to do some downsizing. A few years back I was where you are now and I had to drastically change my habits, cutting out all the non-essentials. I don't mean to sound cruel or callous but if your husband doesn't make you happy anymore and if the issues can't be resolved, he may wind up in the "non-essential" category too. But only you can decide about that.

I had therapy awhile back and for me, it turned out very well. All adults need therapy, IMO, sooner or later, just as we all need physical check-ups to stay healthy. Your emotional well-being is just as important while recovering your balance and your enjoyment of life are of the utmost importance. Please keep us posted as to how this goes, and GOOD LUCK! I'll be praying for you and sending good thoughts your way.

Posted by: Isis
Date posted: Tue Jan 17 2:29:24 2012
Message:
I gotta say, I don't EVEN know where to begin talking to some stranger. what do i tell him? my mom has alzheimer's , my cat is dying, im filing bankruptcy, my husbands mom is a jerk, my husband is a jerk...i'm overwhelmed in life? WHat do I say???

I guess I'll figure it out! Thanks for listening!!!

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Yes, tell him exactly all that and tell him you're honestly overwhelmed. Tell if you have felt this way before, if you feel like it is a pattern, anything that will help him HELP you. Good luck dear! Check back and let us know how it goes. Eve