I have a couple and I enjoy talking about them because they are my kids. However, that is not all I want to talk about because my existence does not begin and end with my kids.

One of my closest friends struggled with infertility for some years and I found myself censoring talk of my kids because she was visibly depressed about not being able to have her own. That sucked.

I don't think other people's kids are as great as they think they are. One of my co-workers got into the habit of bringing her teenaged daughter to work a while back and I was furious. I don't leave mine at home all day to be bothered by yours. I finally had such a nasty attitude about it, she stopped bringing her but she was truly perplexed that I wasn't filled with joy when she would bring the kid to the office.

One of my pet peeves from the childless: some people are so judgmental and can be quite intolerant. If there is anything I hate to hear is what they would do if it was their kid and they would never let a kid of theirs do such and such and so on. Folks, you don't know what you would do until you actually have them. That's it.

No kids here but I do have 18 nieces and nephews (actually have my first great-great as of 2 months ago!) and babysat a lot when I was a teenager, so I know a good bit about babies and kids.  People shouldn't assume that if you don't have your own you don't know what's involved.  By that same token, taking care of kids is not the same as being a parent so you have to know when to keep your thoughts to yourself. 

I like kids and I enjoy hearing about them but not to the exclusion of all other conversation.  I had a friend who went through a period where the only subject she could talk about was her son. I liked hearing about him and about her feelings toward parenthood but she took it to such an extreme that it became hard to take. One of her sisters finally clued her in and she dialed it back.  After that, she was always careful to share news about him or the real cute stuff but then move on to other topics.  I don't think she realized how single-minded she was becoming.

Ahhhhh here I go....annnnnd I'm off, what makes me sooooo tired as a single person is the preferential treatment people who have their kids in tow expect from others.......example and I mean this in all fairness -----if I'm going out a department store door and a woman is coming in with a 4 year old walking side by side with her I AM EXPECTED to hold the door for both of them so kiddio and mommyo quickly pass thru said door without opeing said door by mommyo's self which mommy would  have to do if stella was not exiting too. I do hold the door for folks but with kids they give you that oh here is my mini-me and we are oh so important because i have reproduced myself and have mini-me in tow that you just have to be the grunt and hold for THE BOTH OF US.....aint happening...........

And I am in  agreement with DeB S---the screaming brats in restaurants ----hate that with a passion or just noisy kids....hate hate it I like quiet...

AND I ACTUALLY LOVE KIDS,,,jsut never had them.....end of rant

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Not all parents are like this. I don't expect anything from anyone! In fact, I find myself apologizing a lot! mm3

MM3: All parents should be like you. STELLA - you reminded me of a huge pet peeve of mine: I work in the city so I take public transportaton every day. Part of that public transportation involves the subway. I can't tell you how often, on a crowded subway, a parent will come on with their child(ren) and expect people to get up so their children can sit! And people actually do!!!! Ummm- EXCUSE ME - but what happened to teaching children respect for their elders?! The way I see it, I worked all day, so unless you are handicapped or elderly, I'm not giving my seat up for anyone. In addition, kids have tons of energy and don't need to sit. They're also less prone to injuries when falling than adults are. So the damn kids can stand. I never give my seat up for a child, no matter how much the parent glares at me.......DebS

DebS you hit the nail on the head! stella

Wow Stella. I have been thinking about your comment all weekend and it is so out of character for what I see/do/witness I had to speak up. Maybe it is the part of the country you live in, I don't know. I have lived in the midwest, texas, and currently southwest. I have always, always held the door for other people going in or out of stores if they are at all close to me as I go thru the door. Man, woman, teen, mother with child, it doesn't matter, I hold it. The only people who don't always say thank you are twentyish self absorbed women, often talking into their bluetooth phone. I also have people hold the door for me, when I am alone, and when I am with Lucy. I am always grateful, and always say thank you to the person holding the door. I have taught my older children to do the same, and even my 2 year old will say thank you to people. Do I expect it? Yeah, I guess I do. But only because it is common courtesy, which I return indiscriminately also. That is what I was taught growing up, and I do to this day. Am I often absorbed in trying to carry my daughter's diaper bag, get a cart, keep her from running into traffic? yes I am, but I always say thank you. It makes me sad that a) you don't seem to have a custom of common courtesy where you live and b)you seem to so bitter about extending it to others. I suggest it you feel so strongly about it, stop and look at a display, or speed up or slow down so stella doesn't have to be put in the situation. mzchris

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Posted by: DebR
Date posted: Fri Aug 13 13:42:59 2010
Message:
I have a friend who has kids and grandkids like I do.  Sometimes we talk about them but most times we make it a point to talk about everything else that interests us and we have so many laughs.  We love our kids but we want our friendship to be more than talking about raising kids.  My sister and another friend only talk about their kids and grandkids and it gets tiresome. 

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Posted by: SusieB
Date posted: Fri Aug 13 11:22:44 2010
Message:

I dont have kids and I dont feel bad about it.  Especially when I see the crap many people go through that do have kids. 

One thing I have always hated in the workplace is when people who do have kids think that those of who dont should be more than willing to pick up the slack for them when they have child related issues that prevent them from being at work.

Just because I dont have kids does not mean I have dont have a life outside of work.

My current supervisor pretty much comes in late EVERYday because she has kids. If I need to call out sick she expects me to call her on her PERSONAL cell phone because "I cant gaurantee I can be here everyday at 8 sharp, since I have kids"  I dont know of anyone else who works here that has to do what I do.

I am also required to start at 7:55 because of the same issues .

We are getting a new director of the department in a few months I hope he/she puts a stop to her nonsense.

Many other people have kids and manage, in fact are required , to be at work on time!

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Parents shirking work and dumping the work on others...another pet peeve of mine......DebS

If a parent can't figure out how to set an alarm and get kids going and make it to work on time, what other bad habits will she teach her kids? Just laziness and taking advantage of others. S'mom

.Slightly OT -- but definitely a 'kid related'.pet peeve. -- I used to feel like somebody was almost always selling something for their kid's school while I was working in an office situ. If it wasn't cookies, it was candy bars or coupon books. Almost every week some parent would make the rounds of the departmentsw looking for support for their kid's current project to make money for their band, a trip - whatever. I know I sound like Grinch here, but it got tiresome. I did understand the necessity, and always bought 1 of whatever it was, but sometimes it was hard on the budget if there were too many of these requests in a week or month. (Especially if there were birthday or other 'pass the hat' projects going on that month too). And since I don't have kids, it wasn't as if I was ever going to be in a position of returning the favor. And if my work colleaques weren't asking for my support for their kids' project at work, the neighbors' kids were knocking on my door at home as they canvassed around the neighborhood. LOL. I know that these fundraising projects are necessary, but it sometimes seemed excessive. /faysie

I agree w/ you on that faysie! Fundraiser projects definitely are excessive and I tend not to give to them unless I have a lot of extra money that week (which doesn't happen very often!). We actually came up w/ a policy at my work that employees cannot approach their coworkers to solicit anything. IF they want to solicit on the job, they get HR's (my) permission and they they can post something in the break room and/or send out a mass email telling their coworkers where to find them if they're interested in buying/donating. We got so many complaints from employees about being approached for money for these purposes, that we had to make this policy. We also had a complaint go to Corporate that one of our supervisors (who has since been fired for sexual harassment) was pocketing the money! Complaints have dropped significantly since we put that in place..............DebS

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Posted by: Marie
Date posted: Fri Aug 13 9:44:17 2010
Message:

I've walked both sides of this road, so I have sort of an awareness that kicks in when I feel like I'm talking too much about my daughter with someone who does not have children.

 Being childless for a good portion of my adulthood  was not something I chose,  but I imagine the feelings are fairly similar with those who prefer to not have kids: it gets downright annoying and hurtful when people go ON and ON about them ... or make you feel like your life isn't complete until you have children.

 My siblings all had kids before me .. and I always enjoyed hearing funny little stories or updates on their activities - - but I would start tuning out when it got to be too much.

So now that I am a mom, I will admit I truly enjoy (usually...LoL) talking to my daughter and about her with other parents. But if there is a childless person in my midst, I try to be sensitive to not veer into the land of  ''Please shut up about your kid...enough already!''

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Posted by: serialmom
Date posted: Fri Aug 13 8:03:23 2010
Message:

Wow!  Risky topic lol.

Now before people jump on the ''childless'', I need to give my viewpoint.  I think the people without kids would be good parents and here's why. They would not be seduced into thinking the kids are their pals. 

I raised two kids and I always knew what my ''job'' was without actually thinking about it. In my mind it was to prepare them for life without me. ( Not that I thought of going anywhere) Prepare them to be honest people who, accept responsibilities in life. To love all living things, to be courteous and respectful of the law AND other people.  

Sounds like I was no fun but it was just the opposite. I have some childlike qualities (I love Family Guy) which helped me to have fun with the kids.  I did not like the baby stage but once they could walk talk and communicate I loved it. I never held a baby or babysat till I had mine.

If  I wanted to coddle, pamper and rave over something that made it dependent on me, it would be my cat or dog.  If htey wanted to misbehave I'd think ''Awwww isnt he cute.''  Not so with my kids.

When I was a little girl I recognized girl toys just looked like unfun work.  A doll who you fed water to, then she pees?  Wasnt a BB gun shooting at tin cans a hell of a lot more fun?  Parenthood is work and a lot of it unappreciated or at  least really goes unnoticed. I never gave it too much conscious thought thought at the time.

Of course I was from the generation who could swat your kid on the butt if he/she did things  warned about 2-3 times.  Kids didn't get everything they want WHEN they want it. The volumn of toys etc that come in the thrift shops is astounding.  Do many parents just bribe them with a toy stay seated and behave in a restaurant or movie?

Well anyway its really hard to imagine what never occurred or imagine away what has. 

 

 

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Serialmom, DITTO, DITTO, DITTO!!! I could have written your post! I was a real tomboy because doing ''their'' stuff was so much more fun than playing dolls, or some such domestic routine. I never wanted kids until I met my husband and, like you, I didn't care for the little baby stage. Son was so much fun as he grew up; however, I never put up with bad behavior at all and he was a good kid that other people enjoyed being around. Now that he is in his 40s, he is my best friend. I don't know how old yours are but I'll bet it will be the same with you and them. ~ Duffy

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Posted by: Camochick
Date posted: Thu Aug 12 22:05:29 2010
Message:
The whole kids vs. no kids...it's a tough one, because I don't have kids, but my friends do. There are at least two sides to this. The people with kids think people without kids can't possibly understand certain things until they have their own kids (I can believe this), and the people without kids think they know everything without the experience. However, I think people without kids can have certain opinions about how they would be with their own kids when they have them. For example, I know that when I have my own kids, I want to keep them as far away from junk food as possible. One thing I have seen from some parents is the attitude they direct to people without kids, like something is missing from our lives, or we are less enlightened. Irritates me to no end. Some day I will have kids, but I don't plan on making people without kids feel bad or like they have something missing from their lives. JMO of course.

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Posted by: Peridot
Date posted: Thu Aug 12 21:22:49 2010
Message:
I can be very enthusiastic about my son, but so what?  I hear other people yak on and on about their job, their favorite sports team, their portfolio, their latest club-hopping excursion, how awful their parents/siblings are, things I might not necessarily relate to.  Maybe some of the people who are so down on kids need to remember that they themselves were once children and maybe they weren't always such a delight to the eyes and ears of others either, and have a little compassion for once in their lives. 

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I agree that anybody going on for too long about something that you're not really interested in can get pretty boring and monotonous... talking about kids - anybody's kids - is just one of those possible subject areas. I totally get your point and concur. I'm an aunt/great aunt many, many, many times over - actually I could conceivably fairly soon be a great-great aunt (Phew...:) I've baby sat for numerous of my family members a multitude of times over the years, starting when I was about 10 years old and helping Grandma keep an eye on them (I'm 59 now) right up to much more recently with some of the youngest generation. I've generally enjoy their company for the duration, but I have to admit that I'm generally quite happy to give them back to Mom though. :) Especially the younger ones... babysitting toddlers requires a lot of energy! I've particularly enjoyed getting to know each child as they develop their own personalities, and get different interests, etc. And I count some of my nieces and nephews as very good friends now. (My oldest nephew is now 55.. several nieces & nephews are now in their late 40s - early/mid 50's). But listening to a family member being preoccupied about their kid's latest escapade is different from having a relative stranger monopolizing your attention while they go on and on about somebody that you barely know... and therefor can't muster up all that much interest in. My work colleaque mentioned below was a 'talker' in general - often when she (and I) should have been working, she'd be trying to tell me something. That irritated me too. LOL. /faysie

I tend to talk about my son mainly with other parents who have kids his age. Those are the people I associate with most often and that's just where we are in life right now. When I'm, say, working with other musicians I don't talk much about parenting (unless asked) because it's simply not the subject at hand. But whether I'm waxing enthusiastic about my son, or about my latest concert, or the book I'm currently reading, I usually know it's time to change the subject when the other person's eyes begin to glaze over, LOL. - Peridot

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Posted by: DebS
Date posted: Thu Aug 12 19:47:04 2010
Message:

I don't have kids and I don't want them.

I agree w/ Mitch and Faysie below. I have my niece and nephew and I love them to death. And those of you on my facebook page have been inundated w/ the pictures of them at times, LOL (although I think I post more pictures of my cat then them. ha ha).

But I'm happy leaving it at that.

Some people are just over-the-top about their kids. They'll go on and on about them and never shut up. Or, one of my biggest pet peeves, they'll allow them to be out of control in public places and expect the rest of us to think it's "cute" instead of annoying. And god forbid you point this out to them!

I don't mind people who post pics of their kids here or on FB (I love your kids' pictures, Cook!). At least there you have the choice to click in and look or skip. It's the in-person assault by peoples' children that I don't like.

And to touch on another pet peeve of mine: having children (or even being married for that matter) does not complete a woman. Some people just don't have the maternal instinct (like me) and have made the choice not to be mothers. The whole society-expecting-women-to-get-married- and-have-kids attitude is still in force (although, fortunately waning, but it's still there) and it grates on my nerves. Not every woman wants, or even needs, to have children to feel complete. And we're perfectly happy that way, thank you very much. There are parents out there who made their choices to be..well...parents. And we have made our choice not to be parents.

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Interesting points Debs. Have you always not wanted kids even when you were a child? Like you said about people expect women to marry and have kids, when did you realize you did not feel like you needed to? Unless I am being way too nosy I apologize. I have a friend that said even as a child she didn't think she wanted kids. By the way I have 3 kids and I hope I don't talk too much about them! LOL pjones

Hi DebS. Like you, I've never been particularly maternal... certainly had no strong urge to have kids. I often wonder whether the fact that I baby sat so frequently for my older siblings children had anything to do with this? From the age of 10 - 18 I often helped look after their children. Sometimes with Mom... othertimes on my own. I've sometimes wondered whether that made me think that I didn't want to spend years and years doing the same thing with my own. And I also got involved in a career early after graduating from university... that seemed to take up a lot of my energies for a long time. One of my sisters asked me not long ago if I regret not having had children. The answer - quickly and with no hesitation - was 'No'. I am pleased that I have such a good relationship with so many nephews/nieces now though. I treasure that. /faysie

You might be on to something with that theory. I babysat a lot when I was a teenager and one summer in college I worked full-time (nights & weekends) and babysat my sister's three kids all day while she worked. The kids were ages 7, 2 and 1 month. I remember telling my sister at the end of summer that I doubted I'd ever have kids of my own. Not because her kids weren't wonderful but because I had experienced first-hand what a grind it is. That didn't turn out to be the reason why I have no kids, but it certainly was an eye-opener. ~i&b

PJONES - I always knew i didn't want kids. I remember asking my mother when I was about 7 or 8 if I HAD to have kids when I grew up. Not quite ready to give me the ''birds and the bees'' speech, she just laughed and said ''no''...then changed the subject, LOL. FAYSIE: I have never been maternal at all..in fact, it has happened plenty of times that if I see a parent w/ their child and dog, I will go nuts cooing over the dog and completely ignore the child! INGY: I babysat a lot too when I was younger, and I hated the grind. To this day, the thought of being inside w/ kids all day, having Barney playing on the TV, gives me the heebie jeebies and motivates me to get my butt out of bed and get into the office! :-)...........DebS

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Posted by: Mitch
Date posted: Thu Aug 12 19:12:18 2010
Message:

I think children are highly overrated.  If you've ever heard Bill Maher on the subject, he speaks for both of us.

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I love listening to Bill Maher talk about children..wasn't he the one who said he'd rather sit next to a smoker than a child? Or was that Denis Leary? No, I think it was Leary because BM hates smokers too :-).....DebS

I like W.C. Fields, when asked if he like kids he responded, ''I do if they're properly cooked.''...Mitch

I hear kids are good this time of year lol.

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Posted by: faysie
Date posted: Thu Aug 12 17:50:13 2010
Message:
I don't have kids.  I just want to say that it gets awfully boring sometimes if people don't have the sense not to go on ad nauseum about them... especially if you barely know the kids. A co-worker of mine years ago, used to talk non stop about her kids, as if I should be as interested in their goings-on as she was.  Maybe she thought since I didn't have any, that I'd like to share hers? LOL. It got very stale and boring. While I wished her well with her children, I didn't necessarily want to hear every little detail of their lives.

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Was that coworker Kathie Lee Gifford?

LOL!

Notice now that Kathie Lee's kids are practically (?) grown, she doesn't speak of them nearly as much? Adolescence can wear down any parent's enthusiasm...Mitch

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Posted by: cook
Date posted: Thu Aug 12 17:32:14 2010
Message:
Don't forget co-workers! Surely someone on here has one that has caused some mental eye rolling!!!

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